# 126: Joshua McMillion - Defining Failure

Failure can either harden you or sharpen you, and the difference usually comes down to what you believe failure means. I’m Josh McMillian, an active duty Army officer, and I’m kicking off a new leadership series called Defining Failure to help you stop treating setbacks like a verdict. If you’ve ever wondered, “Could I have avoided this?” or felt crushed by a label someone else put on your work, your career, or your character, this conversation gives you a steadier way to lead through it.

We build a foundation using the FAILING acronym and seven myths about what failure is not. I share how my view changed through self-reflection and systems engineering, where iteration and incremental improvement are the point. We talk growth mindset research, why repetition beats retreat, and how setbacks rarely happen in a vacuum. We also dig into the stories and quotes that reshape perspective, from John Maxwell’s Failing Forward to Winston Churchill, plus examples like MacArthur’s comeback and the lesson behind changing your language from “I failed” to “I learned.”

Tales of Leadership is a leadership platform dedicated to developing Purposeful Accountable Leaders (PALs) through real stories, shared experiences, and practical insight. Each episode breaks down the decisions, failures, and defining moments that shape leaders in the arena—offering honest, experience-driven lessons you can apply immediately. It’s built for those who want to grow with intention, elevate how they lead, and make a lasting impact—because leadership isn’t about rank, it’s about responsibility, and the greatest leaders live by one principle: deeds, not words.

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 — Joshua K. McMillion

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Transcript

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SPEAKER_00 0:49

Welcome to Tells of Leadership. Our mission is simple. To develop a better leader by arming you with the tools required to lead with purpose, integrity, and accountability. This podcast is designed to do one thing. Help develop a more purposeful and accountable leader, what I like to call a path. Leaders who are in the arena, making tough decisions, lifting others up, and choosing people over their own egos. Through real stories and conversations with leaders who have walked that path. Powerful leadership lessons, you'll gain the wisdom needed to tackle any obstacle this world can throw. If you're ready to step into the arena and become the leader your team, your family, and your community need, you're in the right place. This is Tells of Leadership.

Welcome And The Why

SPEAKER_00 1:41

Welcome back to the Tells the Leadership podcast. I am your host, Josh McMillian. I'm an active duty Army officer and the host of Tells the Leadership, and I'm on a journey to become the best leader that I possibly can. And I plan to do that by bringing on other purposeful and accountable leaders or pals, those who lead with intention, integrity, and make an inspired impact. But I also plan to go through my self-studies, my leadership habits, my journaling experiences, which I share through the lens of my own leadership journey. And again, my why. I've seen the cost of poor leadership, how it can destroy morale, break trust, and in worst cases, lead to a loss of life, including through suicide. That's why I'm committing my life to helping others lead with purpose. Through Tells of Leadership, I share real stories, actual insights on how to overcome adversity and become the kind of leader people remember for the right reasons. And before we get in, a couple free tools. If you're new to the show, number one, you can go to the bio and the show notes, and it has everything there. But it's a link tree slash tells of leadership. It's a one-stop shop, has everything because I'm in the middle of incrementally improving, doing a new website, all of these things. So that's where I really want you to go right now. And you can also go to Tales of Leadership.buzzProud.com, listen to all the podcast episodes I've done in the past. Um, but if you want articles or whatever you want in terms of what I've already produced in terms of leadership content, link tree slash tells of leadership, that's where you need to go. So today's episode, we're starting a new series, and I'm calling it defining failure. And what I'm going to do, or attempt to do at least, is walk through how I view leadership in terms of failure. And honestly, this has changed a lot since I began this journey of self-reflection because I always viewed failure was something that was a negative word. And then I when I started to go through my master's degree in system engineering and the engineering process in itself, I quickly learned that failure is really incremental improvements that we all fail in life. We fail more times than we succeed. But in that failure, we have decisions

Defining Failure With FAILING

SPEAKER_00 4:02

to make. Purposeful, accountable leaders, remember that, pals, don't just endure the hardships, they grow through them. Failure doesn't create weakness. It often is the spark that shakes up from complacency and forces us to become better. The difference between transformational and toxic transitional leaders is this that transformational leaders choose the hard things in life. They're willing to put themselves into the fire, into the arena, because they understand that growth never happens in the comfort zone. But doing hard things comes with setbacks. It comes at a cost. And the real key is what you do when failure shows up. Do you pause and learn or press on blindly? As the saying goes, insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting the same results. So today, I want to give you a foundation. This is the beginning of a journey we'll take together to define and defeat failure using the acronym FAILING, F-A-I-L-I-N-G. I'll walk through seven truths about what failure is not, drawing from my personal experiences, the wisdom from John Maxwell and Failing Forward, the book that he wrote, and real-world lessons that you can apply today. And here's a quote by Winston Churchill Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm. So the first one is failure is avoidable. At some point, we've all asked this question to ourselves Could I have done something differently to avoid this? Here's the truth anything in life worth doing is going to cause resistance. Obstacles are not optional, they're guaranteed in life. Remember, block, turn, fix, disrupt. That is the military doctrine of defining what an obstacle is. When I was in basic training, my drill sergeant looked at me and I'll never forget this. McMillian, you're going to learn today. You have two choices. You can choose pain or you can choose repetition. And I chose repetition. I chose to keep trying, adjusting slightly every time until I got better.

Myths One To Three Reframed

SPEAKER_00 7:17

That's what leaders do. Life is messy, leadership is chaotic. You will fail and you will lose. But what matters most is how fast you absorb those lessons and move forward. When Murphy's law strikes, it's ugly head because it will, and your ability to adjust rather than retreat is what defines success and really what defines you. Here's a really good study. Studies on growth mindsets, especially from psychologist Carol Duelt, shows that people who view their abilities as adaptable are more resilient and successful over time. So purposeful accountable leaders, no failure isn't something to be avoided. It's something to be embraced as part of a journey. And a couple key takeaways from this first one. Anything worth doing that's challenging will challenge you. That's just part of it. Repetition, not retreat, is the path forward. Always, always, always be incrementally improving. And a growth mindset leads to long-term resilience. The next one is assuming it's isolated. Failure rarely happens in a vacuum. It's not a one-time event, it's part of a natural rhythm of growth. When you view a setback at the end, you stop short of what could be your greatest breakthrough. But when you recognize it as part of a broader process, it loses its power to define you. Throughout my military career, I've faced numerous setbacks, but every single one has taught me something new about myself, and every lesson has moved me forward down the path that I am now. Think about how software is developed. It's not done in one clean sprint. It's agile, team building, testing, getting feedback and rebuilding upon that. That feedback loop is the fuel of innovation. Each failure is just a step closer to the finished product, and purposeful accountable leaders see failure the same way. Not as an isolated defeat, but as a part of an iterative process. Couple key takeaways from this one. Setbacks are part of larger process, iteration, test, learn, adapt. That's essential. You need to have a feedback loop in your life. And if you don't have a feedback loop, figure out how you can. And then the final one failure is a data point. It's not a dead end. I love that one. All right, next key takeaway. This is I incorrectly labeling failure. Only one person in life gets to decide if you failed or if you succeed, and that is you. The outside world will try to slap labels on your experiences in life, but you get to choose whether you accept them or not. And it took me a long time to realize that. One of my favorite historical examples of this is General Douglas MacArthur. And you can see Dougie in my background, right? At the Battle of Kourigdor, surrounded and forced to flee, he left behind thousands of troops. On the surface, it was a devastating failure, one that a lot of people didn't think he would be able to come back from. But that retreat lit a fire in him. He came back and liberated his force and ultimately ended the conflict in the Pacific. That initial defeat wasn't the end, it was a turning point for him. Just because the world sees a loss doesn't mean you failed. You can redefine the moment. Every stumble can be a setup for a great comeback. Let oh so I'm gonna go a little bit off script on this one. When I think of a great comeback story and incorrectly labeling failure, I love to think of the movie Rudy. So Rudy is one of the best examples of this, and it just popped in my mind. So you got to just go with me on this tangent. He was dead set, had a burning desire to go play at Notre Dame football. This dude in the movies, I don't know how tall he was, but he was like five foot seven, 160 pounds, soaking wet, trying to play D1 football uh at the peak of Notre Dame. Failed and failed and failed and failed and failed. And then finally he got accepted into the university, and then finally got accepted onto the scout team for Notre Dame. And then finally, at the very end, got to play one actual quarter or one actual play where you got a sack. I don't care who you are. That movie is like one of the most uh inspirational movies of my entire childhood. Uh, and that is a perfect example of not letting people define you as failures. Purposeful accountable leaders don't internalize those labels that others try to place on them, they define their own narrative. Here's a couple key takeaways from this one. Failure is subjective, it's not objective. Don't let others define your outcomes, and setbacks can fuel future success. That's critical. And then go watch Rudy. That's all you need to know. If you learn anything from this episode and you haven't watched that movie, you need to go watch it. So the next one is limiting your perspective. Failure often gets framed as the enemy when in reality it's a teacher. Language matters. If you try something new and it doesn't work good, like Jonko Wellington would say, right? Don't say you failed. Say you've learned. Change your vocabulary around it and you change your mindset. Remember T Ball, and I've used this a lot in the past. Our thoughts shape our beliefs, our beliefs, our principles, our character shows up in our actions, and then it defines our legacy. Thoughts, beliefs, actions, legacy. How we think is critical to how our neurons are structured in our brains and our belief systems, which manifests in the real world in our

Language Shifts And Movable Outcomes

SPEAKER_00 13:35

actions. When I face something new and I fell short, I immediately ask, what did I learn? That shift moves me forward. Herbert V. Procknow once said, the fellow who never makes a mistake takes his orders from the one who does. That's a beautiful quote. That quote reminds me that leadership doesn't come from playing it safe, it comes from trying, failing, and trying again. Purposeful, accountable leaders change the language. They use around failure. And in doing so, they change how they lead. So here's a couple key takeaways from this one. Language shapes your responses when it comes to failure. Use learning instead of failing as a couple key words, and then growth comes from new perspectives. It's great to have fresh perspectives on your team or in your life. The next one is immovable. Most people believe once failure hits or it strikes, the outcome is set in stone. It can never be changed. But that's never the case. Nothing in life is immovable unless you decide it, like we just talked about before. Take Alexander Fleming for an example, the inventor of penicillin. And this is one of the probably best stories that I've known of an immovable failure. He wasn't aiming to discover antibiotics. That was never his intention. He just noticed mold growing on his old experiments and saw how it dissolved bacteria. Rather than trashing the spoiled samples, he paid attention to that and changed the world. You, current situation is never final unless you make it so. As long as you're still breathing, you still have the power to rewrite that outcome. Purposeful, accountable leaders never accept that failure is permanent. They know that every situation can change, and the right mindset and action will let it change. Nothing is immovable. Couple key takeaways from this one failure is rarely final. Great discoveries often come from unexpected detours, and you have the power to shift the direction that you want to go down. Today's show sponsor comes from 10th Mountain Whiskey and Spirit Company. They are a philanthropic award-winning craft distillery located in the heart of the Rocky Mountains in Colorado. For being a listener of Tales of Leadership, you get 10% off on any order using the promo code PandoCommando when you place an order at 10th Whiskey.com. Both of those are in the show notes, so you'll be able to find them. 10th Mountain Whiskeys and Spirit Company honor heroes and they craft legacy. I've commanded two organizations in the 10th Mountain, and both of which are very deeply impactful to me. This is a company that I stand behind. And if you're looking for a great bottle of bourbon, look no further at 10th Mountain Whiskey and Spirit Company. Back to the show.

Sponsor Break Then Plan For Failure

SPEAKER_00 16:44

The next one is naive to failure. Being naive about failure means walking into a battle blindfolded. You cannot afford to hope things will just work out. Hope isn't a strategy. Thomas Edison famously said, I didn't fail 10,000 times. I found 10,000 ways that didn't work. He assumed failure would happen, it prepared for it. Leaders must do the same. It's easy to hope for the best, but the best leaders prepare for the worst and adapt along the way. I've seen it time and time again. Those who expect adversity are better equipped to handle it when it strikes. It is better to be prepared and not to need than to need than be prepared. And I just made that quote in my head. But it's true. And I genuinely believe that. And it kind of goes back to a couple other quotes like it's better to be a warrior in a garden than a gardener in a war. Uh or um Hosashi, the Book of the Five Rings. It's better to know one thing and to execute it 10,000 times than 10,000 things and execute one time. Don't be naive to failure. That one thing may take 10,000 attempts to do, but that's just part of the process. Purposeful, accountable eaters are not naive. They anticipate setbacks and they view them as signals, not surprises. A couple key takeaways from this one. Hope must be prepared with preparation. Remember, hope's not a strategy. Preparation is everything in life you need to be prepared for, regardless if it's a military operation or a brief that you're getting ready to go do to your leadership or a family vacation that you're going to go do. Ask yourself this question. Do you go on a family vacation and not prepare and plan for that? At least to have an itinerary. And you're not fighting the plan. Remember that. You're fighting the environment. Plans survive until first contact, until the enemy gets a vote. And then we adapt along the way. Assume failure will happen and plan accordingly. And the last one key takeaway is resilient leaders anticipate and adapt. The last key point in this failing acronym as we're defining what failure is not, is gone forever. Perhaps the most destructive myth about failure is that it is permanent. But as long as you're still here, it's not over. Winston Churchill once said, success is not final, failure is not fatal. It is the courage to continue that counts. That is the key to overcoming failure, the courage to keep going. I've had moments where I felt like I couldn't move forward. But every time I take one more step, I only go one more day, one more hour, one more minute, and eventually I find a way through. The Stockdale paradox reminds me to confront brutal

Courage, Reflection, And Listener Actions

SPEAKER_00 19:52

reality with holding faith in ultimate success. So go look that up, the Stockdale Paradox. It's really interesting. And that's a whole other podcast episode in itself. Purposeful accountable leaders understand that nothing is gone forever. Every attempt is a new beginning. And a couple key takeaways from this one. Failure only wins if you quit. Courage is the key to continuing, and setbacks is a setup for a new beginning. So a couple final thoughts here. We just walk through seven truths about what failure is not. Failure is not avoidable. It's not isolated. It's not fixed. It's not final. It's not fatal. It's not something to be feared or falsely labeled. It is a tool, it is a teacher, and if you let it, a turning point. These seven truths tied to the acronym FAILING are just the start. In the next several episodes that I'll be releasing, I'm going to go through another acronym called Leaders FAL and introduce you to a framework of 11 tools to help you overcome failure in real time. As purposeful accountable leaders, we don't shy away from hard things. We lean into them, knowing through failure comes refinement of our character and who we show up in this world? Here are a couple key questions that I want you to reflect on for this after action review. Which of these seven myths around failure challenged or affirmed your current thinking on the topic? What currently holds you back from reframing or overcoming past failures? And then finally, what actions or resources can you leverage today to push through that? All right, team, do me a favor. If you like this episode, if you like the content that I push out, these are the four things that I'm asking you to do. Number one, like, share, and subscribe to this podcast wherever you listen to it. I love to get feedback. Number two, you can go to Buzzsprout, leave me fan mail. And eventually, when I get my podcast website fully up and running, you'll be able to leave me messages there and give me feedback on specific topics that you would like to hear or potential guests that you would like to hear. Follow me on social media number three at Tells the Leadership. And if you would love to support the show, you can go to tells the leadership.buzzsprout.com and also support some of the show sponsors that I have, especially 10th Mountain Whiskey. They're a great company and they are a philanthropy company, meaning they give all their money back to veteran-owned causes. So if you need a good bottle of bourbon, again, 10th Mountain Whiskey is where to go. And you can use Pando Commando to get a 10% discount. As always, team, I am your host, Josh McMillian, saying every day is a gift. Go make that inspired impact. I'll see you next time.