Tales of Leadership
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Tales of Leadership
Ep 83 | Work – Family – Self
We have all heard the term work and family balance; however, I have learned a critical piece is missing from this equation: self. Achieving a sustainable balance takes the trinity of work, family, and self (WFS). First, leadership is emotionally and mentally demanding; without checks and balances, you and your family will suffer. Before you can authentically show up personally or professionally, take the time to invest in yourself. Think of this as a battery. Work demands a portion of your power. The remaining balance is shared between yourself and your family. The true test of leadership is when you leave work or retire, will someone be waiting for you at home?
Link to Article: https://www.mcmillionleadershipcoaching.com/blog/tales-of-leadership-article25
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Joshua K. McMillion | Founder MLC
You're listening to the Tells the Leadership podcast. This podcast is for leaders at any phase on their leadership journey to become a more purposeful and accountable leader what I like to call a pal. Join me on our journey together towards transformational leadership.
Speaker 2:All right team. Welcome back to the Tells the Leadership podcast. I'm your host, josh McMillian. I'm an active duty army officer. I've been in for over 16 years. I am an Army leadership coach and on today's episode I'm going to be sharing with you a transformational skill that I learned through Flatter, incorporated through my own leadership coaching journey and my leadership journey, which is called WFS or I like to call it work family self. And before we start, as always, I try to arm you with as much knowledge as possible through my shared experience. And you can go to mcmillianleadershipcoachingcom, click the leadership resources tab. You'll be able to find this blog and resource it anytime that you want. So you don't have to take notes during this episode. You can go, look at that blog or that article at any given time and, as always, there'll be another article that is associated with this podcast episode and the key takeaways provided on the same website, mcmillianleadershipcoachingcom. All free resources to you so you can go be the best leader possible. Let's go ahead and jump right in.
Speaker 2:So I think one of the hardest things about being a leader is trying to take control of your time and, trust me, if anyone struggles with this, it is definitely me. I am very purposefully driven between coaching, between running a podcast, between being a father, between a full-time army leadership coach as well as a full-time army officer. It's hard to manage all of those, but a way that I do it is through a simple system. Remember keep it simple, stupid that I call WFS or work family self. So we've all heard of the term work and family balance. However, I've learned a critical piece is missing from this equation in itself. Achieving a sustainable balance takes the trinity of work, family self or WFS First. Leadership is emotionally and mentally demanding. There's no doubt about that. Without checks and balances, you and your family will suffer Before you can authentically show up personally or professionally, take the time to invest in yourself. This is like a battery, and think of it like a battery. Work demands a portion of your power. The remaining balance is shared between yourself and your family and it really depends on when that power is strained. The true test of leadership is when you leave work or you retire. One day will someone be there waiting for you at home? And I had a leader tell me that a long time ago and it has just stuck with me.
Speaker 2:Personally, I'm not too fond of the term balance, and I've said this before, but I think balance implies mastering life and consistently juggling each day's competing requirements. Balance is achievable in short durations in life. However, when it comes, it's temporary in nature. It never lasts and we're always chasing that dopamine. Life will get a vote and each day is different. It doesn't matter how well we plan.
Speaker 2:When we chase balance in life, we fall into a goal mindset. Goal mindsets are fueled by dopamine and cause you to try to achieve balance consistently, which is impossible to do. Once it's gone, you repeatedly try to replicate that feeling, eventually leading to what we like to call an hedonic treadmill. When this appears, you're causing leadership burnout that affects not just your work, your family, but also your own self-development. Instead, try and achieve harmony and learn to live a life that has harmonious balance between work, family, self. When you focus on the journey, you shift your mindset from goals to growth, and that's what it's all about. It's about growth, not knocking down goals. Life and leadership has one thing in common they're both journeys filled with ups and downs. To be a purposeful, accountable leader, a PAL, find times that serve you, find routines that serve you and try to live a harmonious balance between work and family commitments.
Speaker 2:So I've created an acronym you know me you're welcome that I call POISE P-O-I-S-E. It can kind of help walk through that. Before we start, there's a quote. I don't really know who to attribute it to, but I heard it a long time ago and there's so many different people that it's kind of popped up on. So I don't fully know who to attribute it to. So we'll just say it's unknown and the quote goes like this you can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf. And that's all about life. Never try to chase balance, because when you chase balance you're just going to run into burnout. Just go with what life and the day gives you, but have a plan and have that plan. Be malleable to your environment. Don't try to change the environment to your plan, because that's when things all happen and fall apart. So the first one P is to prevent excuses. The first step in creating harmony in your life is not making excuses.
Speaker 2:I have been overworked throughout my career and my attitude has carried outside my professional setting to home. When you come into work in a bad mood, your attitude will spread throughout your team. The same is true with your family. That attitude will carry working into your house like a virus, like a cancer. It affects your kids, it affects your family, your significant others, your friends. You are shut down from life's possibilities. When you have a bad attitude what I like to call and I heard this from Elf cotton-headed mini muggins right, I use that term so much at work and I get a lot of weird looks, but I love it you begin to feel sorry for yourself, avoiding having fun and, most importantly, you develop walls. Think of it like this you come home after a stressful day and your kids want to go play catch. What is the most likely response? You're going to be agitated and you're going to be angry at the thought of just playing catch with your kids and you're going to try to find and you're going to be angry at the thought of just playing catch with your kids and you're going to try to find an excuse and I pulled that example out because that was me More than one occasion Because I came home mad. I came home feeling sorry for myself.
Speaker 2:Purposeful accountable leaders, stop in moments of self-pity or anger to overcome excuses. Reflect on what's most important and align their actions with their heart. Remember deeds, not words. I think one of the best pictures that I used in the blog and you can go to macmillan leadership coaching to see this is that my platoon was in pz posture before mission and I got a picture of it. There's moments in life where you have to act and this picture, I think, beautifully sums that up as a level of commitment. When it's time to act, stop making excuses and move forward.
Speaker 2:So the next one that I call the acronym is overcome seasons. The very nature of life is challenging. Remember, leadership is challenging, life is challenging and essence it is hard. Every day is met with different obstacles to overcome. Remember that obstacles can do one of four things they can block us, they can turn us, they can fix us or disrupt us, but it's up to us on our leadership journey how they truly affect us. The trick in life to overcome barriers is to maintain a growth mindset. What I just talked about Balance in all areas of life is impossible. When we try to pursue a perfect life, we chase goals. Life, like leadership, is messy and it'll be full of miserable, mediocre and unforgivable or unforgettable days. A growth mindset allows us to find teachable moments in any of those types of situations, regardless of what the outcome is when we start to hunt the good stuff, our ability to overcome obstacles dramatically increase. Purposeful, accountable leaders understand life is imperfect and each day is unique. Instead of fighting it, they hunt for the good stuff.
Speaker 2:Team, let's take a quick break from this episode and I want to share an additional leadership resource with you, and that is one-on-one leadership coaching through McMillian Leadership Coaching. So what do I do? I help leaders discover their purpose, create a long-term growth plan and take inspired action. I believe everything rises and falls on leadership and, regardless of where you are in life, one fact is true you are a leader of others, you are a leader of your family and, most importantly, you are a leader of others. You are a leader of your family and, most importantly, you are a leader of yourself To lead others. Well, that starts by leading yourself. Well, if you want to learn more, you can go to mcmillianleadershipcoachingcom and schedule a free call today. Back to the episode.
Speaker 2:The next example is identify your work-, family self-alignment, and I think this is one of the most critical ones. So, before we even go into this, a picture that I shared was three different, distinct pictures. One was a recent team that I was on, a PO aviation for robotics. Another one is just me crushing a workout and body armor, and one of the last ones was a burr on the mountain in Huntsville, alabama. My family was up there. We were having a beautiful time at sunset One of the best memories that I had of my last job with my family and I think that picture of that carousel type images beautifully sum up what I mean by work.
Speaker 2:Family, self working out, self Working in my job is for work and in family. Each area of our lives should be intentional, and that picture roughly sums up everything that in that moment in time I was being intentional with and I was getting ready to move. So before creating harmony in your life, you must determine where your time is spent. Start with a typical day. How does a routine day go for you and where are your time demands? You have to identify how your day is consumed before you can begin to have harmony in life.
Speaker 2:I strive to achieve four hours and I know that sounds like a lot each day for self-improvement. Then I devote 10 hours for the army and then I devote two hours for my family. Finally, I leave about eight hours of my 24-hour day to sleep, but that rarely happens Once you've mapped out what a typical day looks like for you, start tallying check marks and place them in either a bin for work, family or self. So I've done this, this exercise, and it's something that I go through in my coaching. So I've added up the percentages of each one of those categories for myself and I spent 62% of my time during a normal week to include weekends towards work, 25 dedicated to my family and then 13 focused on myself. And sometimes that shifts and that's okay. But when you lay them out like that of how your typical day goes, you can begin to see it and I don't know if you're like me, I'm a visual guy. So let's say I did that and% of my time was focused on work and not with my family or myself. And it's okay if you don't have a family.
Speaker 2:We all have people who love us, right that we want to spend time with. You can see that and you can tell that you are truly unbalanced and you can try to find that harmony. But understand, like we talked about before, there's seasons in life. Once you can see how you spend your time, it becomes apparent where the demands are. To be fair, I'm an active duty Army officer. My commitments to work are arguably much more demanding than other people. I cannot telework. I have to be in every single day. I work in a secured facility so I can't have my phone with me. I have to be at work. As a result, my family time is scarce and, on average, 25% of my week is devoted with the ones I love most.
Speaker 2:Those numbers should not scare you, remember. Instead, they should motivate you to create a burning desire to be intentional with your time, the only asset that we truly have. That is not infinite. We all have a finite amount of time, and it goes back to my motto Every day is a gift. Don't waste yours. Make today matter, family's essential. Be present with the time you have. If you value self-time, make it the most possible that you can get out of it. And then, regardless, your goal is to recharge your batteries. Remember that and to share that energy with other people. And self-care is not selfish. Remember that If you want to be a great leader, you have to learn to take care of yourself before you can take care of other people. It's just like leading yourself you have to lead yourself before you can lead other people.
Speaker 2:If you remember the first phase of leadership and you can go back to listen to that episode or read the article. That's exactly what that is. So POIS acronym going through it. Now we're on S Study your day After capturing how your time is spent in routine weeks. Look deeper. It's not just about spending the physical time required to be successful. Does your calendar reflect who you are? Each day is an opportunity to make a change and become better. Now that you see where your time is going, you can determine if your head and heart are truly aligned. You see your day and the demands placed on you, but are you setting the conditions to enter each day with confidence? How does your work, family, self breakdown make you feel? All right team?
Speaker 2:Let's take a quick break from this episode and I want to share a leadership resource with you, and that is the resiliency based leadership program. Rblp's vision is to create a worldwide community of practice committed to building and leading resilient teams. So why do you need to build and lead a resilient team? Resilient teams are the key to individual and organizational growth, regardless of being in the military or in the civilian workforce. Building collective teams allows for exponential growth and the team's ability to overcome adversity, adapt and, most importantly, grow. And then bottom line, up front resilient teams are just stronger together. And here's a fact 99% of the people who take that course recommend it to others, and I'm one of them. I just completed my certification and I highly recommend this. And the great news is it's most likely free to you and if you're in the military, it is a hundred percent free to you. And if you want to learn more, you can look in the show notes for this episode and find the link and use the discount code JMCMILLION, and that is also in the show notes.
Speaker 2:Back to the episode when I first did that exercise, I was initially shocked right, I spent most of my time at work, shocker, and I had really no self-care and I felt distant from my family, completely lopsided. Distance is dangerous because it allows space between relationships. When there is space in relationships, life demands will fill that void. Evil will fill that void. Make no mistake about that. For example, when you're a manager and spend time reviewing spreadsheets, you start to view people as numbers and people require connection and you must close that distance. And the last one of the POIS acronym is to execute.
Speaker 2:And finally, it's time to take action and develop a harmonious life. You have completed the most challenging part looking deeper into where you're actually spending your time. You can engage your heart once you can see where your time is actually being spent. Which is the head. Which areas of your life are the most important to you? That's a question you have to ask yourself. Work is temporary, but our bodies, our minds and our family are not. When you decide to retire, hang up your uniform one day, who will be there to welcome you? Will you have the health needed to pursue your dreams? Work, family, self is vital to creating what I like to call harmonious life. Without a profound reflection on where your time is spent, you cannot develop a plan of attack. Once your heart is engaged, align your hands to the task Head, heart, hand alignment.
Speaker 2:In another episode that I'm going to get ready to film shortly, I'm going to go through another acronym that I call TIME T-I-M-E. That kind of helps you continue to build a harmonious life. But before we even jump into that episode, let me wrap up my final thoughts. Up my final thoughts. In a pursuit of work, family self, let's shift the narrative from a balanced life to a more holistic approach between your work, what you have to do to make money, your family, the ones who love you the most, and yourself, which is extremely important. Leadership demands a delicate balance, and neglecting oneself can have repercussions on both your work and your family and everyone around you. Rather than chasing that exclusive, perfect balance, let's embrace life's messy journey as purposeful, accountable leaders and use the acronym POIS that I just shared with you as a weapon, a tool in your arsenal or a rock in your rucksack that you can now use to make the day better.
Speaker 2:We must stop making excuses, navigate life's challenges with a growth mindset and understand what our breakdown and our alignment is. Study our days deeply and finally take action to create that harmony in life. Reflect on how excuses affect your attitude, embrace growth to overcome obstacles and analyze what your breakdown looks like to prioritize intentional time management. How do you navigate excuses in both your personal and professional spheres is going to be critical, because remember that there should not be a separate between you and your professional self, your work self and your personal self. You have to be the same person.
Speaker 2:So here are a couple of questions that I want you to kind of reflect on for this episode, or our after action review, if you will. Are you adopting a growth mindset to conquer life challenges, or are you solely focused on goals? And if yes, to goals, why Start thinking long-term? Number two what does your work family balance reveal about where your priorities are and how are you truly managing your time? And then, number three what action do you need to take intentionally, to begin to take back your time and build a harmonious life?
Speaker 2:All right, team, do me a favor. If you like this episode, it would mean the world to me if you could share this with someone that you can rate this podcast episode. Give it a five star review, leave me a comment, follow me on any of my social media channels. Go to McMillianLeadershipCoachingcom. You can get additional resources, additional resources and, if you feel so inclined, you can also support the podcast. All the proceeds that I make go directly back into my podcast of me producing free and powerful content for you guys to be the best leader possible. And, as always, team, I'm your host. Josh McMillian, saying every day is a gift. Don't waste yours. I'll see you next time.
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